August 28th 1936 – Those Finch kids came to touch my house today. I think that they think I’m a monster, they’re terrified of me. I can’t really say I blame them though. I’m so close to mad that it makes no difference. Anyone would be mad if they were kept in here as long as I’ve been.
Anyway, they were hanging around the house without a care in the world, and I just saw one of them run towards the house. He threw the gate open and just slapped the side of the house with his palm. I was just opening the inside shutter to get a better view of the scene, but he had gone before I could see him properly.I get sick of their fascination with our house.
That said I am grateful for the attention. I’ve never really had a proper conversation with anyone since the incident, except with Mr. Nathan but that doesn’t really count.
I long to be able to go out side again, and relive my lost childhood. As it is I’m living it through the Finch children.May 26th 1937 – I’ve been watching Jem and Scout (for they’re their names) walk to and from school everyday, and today I decided to leave them a gift in the knot-hole in the old oak tree in our yard. It was only a couple of packets of chewing gum, but I think that at least Scout seemed to appreciate it. I’m glad to have some contact with the outside world. Jem seemed more suspicious of it though, a quality that must have come with age. When he saw what Scout had he made her spit it out immediately as if it was diseased.
I may not be wonderfully handsome, but I’m definitely not diseased. I hate being treated like a freak. Everyone in this street has their own pre-conceived ideas about me, and Jem has obviously heard some of the stories that Miss Stephanie has been spreading around. The only thing I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be normal, and that seems to have been denied to me by my parents.Isn’t it ironic that all the other boys that went to the correction unit ended up with an education, and a lack of personality problems, and I’m a paranoid schizophrenic who can’t read or write. I’m sure my parents meant for the best when they decided to lock me up, but it’s definitely backfired, and I hate them for it.
July 12th 1937 – Today I saw Jem and Scout playing outside my house again. They seem to have a friend with them, but I don’t know what his name is. I recognize him from last summer. He has definitely been here before nevertheless. Anyway, Scout climbed into a tyre, and at first it looked like they were just going to play normally in it. Instead, Jem pushed Scout down the sidewalk in the tyre with all the force he could muster. She couldn’t do anything do stop, and she eventually ground to a halt outside my house.
She was just steps in front of me, and I wanted to help her but I couldn’t because I was with Mr. Nathan. Jem was shouting at her to get up, but she couldn’t because she was so dizzy. She just froze outside. In the end she got to her feet and ran away, but left the tyre behind. Again, I wanted to get out of the house and give it to them, but I knew I couldn’t.
Eventually Jem came in and retrieved it.I want to talk to them so much, but I know I can’t. They think I’m a monster and they’re probably right.
July 13th 1937 – They’ve started playing a new game, called Boo Radley. I’ve noticed them acting out plays before, but I’m convinced it’s about me. It’s been woven from bits and scraps of gossip and neighborhood legend. The basic plot is: Mrs. Radley marries me, loses her money, teeth, hair and forefinger. She spends all her time crying.
The play climaxes when I stab Mr. Nathan with some scissors. I’m very interested to know where that rumour came from. Honestly though, am I really that sort of person? I’m surely not that violent, am I?Sometimes I see the sky outside and I feel like crying.
It’s been so long since I felt the heat of the sun, or the wind. Even if I’m in here for a thousand years I’ll never forget what the wind and the sun feel like.For the first time I think that they want me to come out, just out of curiosity. However, I don’t think that they know that whilst they can see me, I can see them as well. I’m not sure how they’d act if they knew I watched them. Jem’s becoming more and more suspicious of me though. He’s definitely got his head screwed on properly.
I think that he’ll work out what’s happening soon enough.July 22nd 1937 – A historic day. They were trying to give me a letter! I saw them approaching into our yard, and I saw Jem holding a ten-foot fishing pole. The letter was attached to it. Unfortunately I didn’t have any chance to obtain it. Jem was standing on the edge of the yard, waving the fishing pole in the air.
The only problem was, his arms weren’t long enough to control the fishing pole properly, and it kept falling to the floor. If only he had the strength to hold it in the air, I would’ve been able to come and collect it.At the exact moment when I was opening the shutters to come out and collect it, their dinner bell started ringing and the chance was gone. I have a terrible feeling that they’ll stop trying to contact me now. Their father’s caught on to what they’re trying to do and he’s more than likely going to try and stop them.
I admire Atticus Finch with all my heart. If only my father had been like him. If he had been more like Atticus and less bogged down with trivial stuff like the family’s reputation then I wouldn’t have turned out like I have.
All Atticus worries about is that he believes in himself. The contrast between him and my father is unbelievable.If the children carry on like they are, then surely it won’t be long until I meet them.August 29th 1937 – Those kids seemed to have a little “nighttime adventure” tonight.
When I was inside the house I suddenly heard noises coming from outside. I gradually heard the noises getting louder, and then I realized that it was the children approaching the house. When they came to the house, they advanced towards the back window. I got up to greet them, but Mr. Nathan heard them first. He ran out there with his shotgun, and fired shots into the air. At this they panicked and ran away, so I missed yet another golden opportunity to meet them.
However, one good thing came out of the event. When I went outside to inspect the scene, I found Jem’s pants torn under the fence. He’d obviously ripped them trying to escape.
Whilst I was never particularly talented at sewing or the like, I managed to repair them as best as I could, and left them just outside his porch, where he was bound to find them. It’s just a pity that I was asleep when he came to collect them. I really wanted to see what his reaction was, though I presume he was grateful.Surely it’s only a matter of time until I meet them; they almost seem as desperate to meet me as I am to meet them.
September 11th 1937 – Now that they have started walking to and from school again, I’ve decided to start leaving them little gifts on their route to help endear them to me. Ok, so they probably won’t know it’s from me at first, but sooner or later they’ll find out. I’m only going to leave them small gifts to begin with. Today I left them a ball of fishing twine. I wonder if they’ll notice it.October 8th 1937 – I left them another gift today in the knot-hole.
I’ve been whittling stuff for years now, it keeps me busy during the days, and so I decided to leave them figures of them carved in soap. Maybe that way they’ll realize that the stuff is meant for them, and they’re not just stealing other people’s stuff. I hope so anyway. They weren’t very good, but I think that they could tell it was them.October 12th 1937 – I left them a gift today for the third time. I think Mr.
Nathan might be getting suspicious of me. I decided to leave them some chewing gum this time.October 20th 1937 – I was right.
Mr. Nathan was suspicious of me; in fact he’s blocked the knot-hole up. All the work I’ve put in to this and it just all goes. Next time I would’ve left them a letter and told them all about it.
I can’t believe him. All the time I’ve thought that he was trying to wreck my life and this event has confirmed it. The only time I’ll ever get to leave this house is when I’m carried out dead.Actually no, it won’t be. I’ve proved that I can have contact with the outside world, and I relished ever minute of it. When the time is right I might try to do it again.
When Mr. Nathan’s guard is down.November 29th 1937 – Another momentous occasion.
I found myself woken in the night by Mr. Nathan, and I realized instantly that there was something wrong. I looked around out of the front window and I saw to my horror that Mrs. Maudie’s house was ablaze. Then I saw Scout and Jem outside, looking frozen to the skin.
Just one look at their lifeless figures made me feel like I had to do something. I quickly inspected the room, and saw an old blanket. Creeping outside unnoticed, I lightly dropped the blanket over Scout’s pale frame.She didn’t notice it for a while, but when she did she appreciated it.
It’s a wonderful thing, doing thing for other people, and there’s no feeling in the world better.My level of contact with the outside world has risen from non-existent to minimal, and it can only increase further. Let’s just hope I get to meet them soon enough.