Can men and women be “just friends” Sample Essay

Can work forces and adult females be merely friends without any sexual tenseness between them? I don’t believe so. I believe. both from personal experience and from several scholarly beginnings. that there is ever. at some point. a sexual attractive force between two people of the opposite sex who have a friendly. pleasant relationship. There are excessively many natural human inherent aptitudes that drive us to be sexually attracted to a individual for male-female friends to non of all time see physical attractive force towards each other.

From my personal experience. I have learned that it is really hard to be friends with a male who is sexually attracted to you when you do non experience the same manner. For illustration. my second-year twelvemonth I befriended an endearing. nerdy child named Bob. He was person who I could easy speak to and our friendship rapidly blossomed. One twenty-four hours. I was informed that he liked as more than a friend. This unfortunate happening was the death of our relationship because it made for rather an uncomfortable ambiance since I did non portion his feelings.

In an article by Susan Foster Ambrose. which was written to convert people opposite-sex relationships do work. she says people involved in these types of friendly relationships “enjoy the elusive chemical science of holding work forces [ or adult females ] as intimate friends” because “you’re playing with a sexual constituent. ” She goes on to cite Dr. Marilyn Ruman. “In any male/female relationship. there’s traveling to be some sexual tension” which is the cardinal constituent to do the friendly relationship merriment. Ambrose so explains that her good male friend really asked her out on a day of the month. Even though she did non take it him up on it ( and they remained good friends ) . this still proves the sexual tenseness does be in all male-female relationships.

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In another article. Letty Cottin Pogrebin argues that work forces and adult females can non be friends because of societal inequalities. The lone clip the two genders are compatible is in reproduction. This is because of the different universes male childs and misss turn up in- 1 with dolls. the other with action figures ; one with tea parties. the other with fist battles ; both with body louses. All these societal differences leaves us compatibility in really few sections. such as love. sex. matrimony. but non friendship. Pogrebin insists that existent Platonic friendly relationship is merely possible between those of similar societal upbringing. This causes us to be ‘gender loyalists’ because we are raised to populate in such different ways that we can merely truly relate with those raised like us.

Similarly. Aristotle believed that true friendly relationship was non possible between a male and female because they were unequal ( though in a different manner than inequality Pogrebin refers to ) . To outdo explain this. one must understand that Aristotle believed there were several sorts of love. two of them being eros and philia. Eros is an titillating. passionate love between lovers ; it is selfish and covetous. Philia was the greater love in Aristotle’s head. being the love shared between friends ; the love of character and common involvements. For simplicity’s interest. Eros is the equivalent of lubricious love and philia the equivalent of friendly relationship. Aristotle believed affection was better than eros because it was love “grounded in a trait of character” whereas eros was a bond Born of emotion. Clearly. a love of character would last longer and be more valuable than that of emotion as emotion is so volatile but character. unwavering.

Similarly. author C. S. Lewis stated: “Lovers are usually face to face. absorbed in each other ; Friends. side by side. absorbed in some common involvement. ” This explains the green-eyed monster or erosian love- when lovers are “absorbed in each other” there is no clip for any 3rd party ; all focal point must stay on the spouse to prolong the relationship. This causes anxiousness. green-eyed monster and a demand to research other people and thoughts. finally taking to the interruption down of the relationship grounded in emotion.

All the personal experience and doctrine aside. male-female relationships without sexual attractive force are merely non biologically possible. All worlds. male and female alike. have endocrines coursing through their venas. swimming on their tegument. and breathing from their organic structures at all times. One type of endocrine in peculiar. the pheromone. plays a cardinal function in sexual attractive force. Pheromones are scentless endocrines released into the air and received into another’s organic structure through an organ in the olfactory organ called the VNO. There are three types of pheromones: the first two. androstenol and androstenone. are made by both sexes and have been found to positively impact human attractive force ; the 3rd. copulins. is found merely in females and has been shown to increase testosterone in males ( which leads straight to an addition in sex thrust ) and to do females look more attractive to targeted males.

Another endocrine which greatly affects sexual attractive force is oxytocin. Oxytocin is released in the organic structure when touched. It is besides released when believing about person you love. Since love is a really comparative term. this could use to both Eross and affections love. Furthermore. Pitocin increases testosterone in work forces and adult females which in bend additions sex thrust. Besides. in combination with estrogen. Pitocin creates a desire for intercourse in adult females. Oxytocin is besides released during sexual intercourse and climax. taking to a longing for more and more sex.

As you can see. many people. from Susan Foster Ambrose to Aristotle. Letty Cottin Pogrebin to C. S. Lewis. agree with me that work forces and adult females will ever hold sexual tenseness in their relationships. Given the green-eyed monster of Eros. the existent life experiences of myself and Ambrose. and the wholly different civilizations male childs and misss are raised in. strictly Platonic male-female relationships are unattainable. Furthermore. the difficult facts of biological science make it about impossible to coexist with the opposite sex without sexual attractive force due to the effects of multiple pheromones drifting in the air and the aggravation of Pitocin streaming through our organic structures. It is merely impracticable to hold sexual tension-free opposite-sex friendly relationships.


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“Men and Women Can Be Friends” Susan Foster Ambrose

“Men and Women Can non Be Friends” Letty Cottin Pogrebin


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