We usually have to face many expectations from others like parents, teachers, and bosses. A few years ago, there was a news story about a student committed suicide at graduation in an university. According to the report, the student did not graduate in the year he should have. His parents flew from Asia to see his graduation. He can not fulfill his parents’ expectation, so he jumped off the building above the graduation ceremony. As we see from this case, expectations can be powerful; and even deadly.
When we do not know how to manage expectations, we start to be influence by other’s expectation on us, instead of believing in ourselves. Expectations are desires that others want us to accomplish in future. Sometimes, the expectations of others are different from the choice we really want to make. Different expectations often lead to conflicts, misunderstanding, stress, and other pressures. In the year of my fifth grade, I wanted to learn to play violin deeply. I tried to ask my parents to buy me a violin. I can still remember the scene when I asked my mother.
At first, her face was shocked, and then she laughed at me. My heart was like pealed with a thunder. I was very serious that I wanted to learn violin. I also tried to ask my father. He firmly responded, “In this period all you have to do is focus on homework and stop thinking about violin. ” The situation is like a shooting champion police do not permit to carry a gun for patrol. The interest, ability and hope is been block and dispel. After hearing my parents’ responses, I was not angry, but confused and depressed about why my parent would block the interest that their child wants.
Since then, I rarely tell my parent about my thoughts and desires. Lack of communications and trust occurred between me and my parents, because I was no longer felt they are the one who understand me. They just wanted their son to be the robot that under their control. I started to hate my parents at that time. Sandra Cisneros also faced serious problems because of her parents’ expectation of her. According to Cisneros, “After four years in college and two more in graduate school, and still no husband, my father shake his head even now and say I wasted all that education”(142).
Cisneros’ father had a totally different expectation for Cisneros’ education. Her father said Cisneros was “wasted” all the years that been to school. Her father was frustrated of Cisneros still do not have husband to fulfill what he expect. In her father’s mind, Cisneros’ success in English can’t even compare with getting a husband. Her father introduced Cisneros as “this is my only daughter, she teaches. Not as ‘my only daughter, the writer'” (143). In this conversation, her father did not recognized Cisneros as a “writer’ or a professor. Her success to a writer was downgraded to as teacher in her father’s mind.
Her father did not liked Cisneros put too much effort to English instead of getting a husband. Imagine a morning you walk by a high school, somebody come up to you ask why you ditch classes while you already graduated college. It is embarrass that others do not recognize the accomplishment and successes you achieved. In Cisneros’ case, it was even worse because the misunderstanding and deprecation was from her father, the one she care and loves the most. The fact was her father did not care if Cisneros was a professor or not because her failure to meet her family’s expectation left Cisneros stressed.
Cisneros “feels [herself] being erased” (143). when her father introduced Cisneros as a son. Why would a person feel erased? It is not just the feeling of being ignored; it is the feeling of completely gone. She has to face the shame and stress that the family give for the marriage. Her role in the family is just like one of the “son”. It shown Cisneros’ father feel nothing special for Cisneros as the only daughter. Expectation can cause problems which lead to conflict and stress. Expectation can lower and dispel our motivation to pursue our own choices that lead to satisfaction.
Motivation is a power that pushes us to accomplish goals. Motivation comes from our interests, curiousness, and others’ expectations. But when other’s expectation is different from what we want, sometimes we start to follow others’ expectation and forget the motivation that we originally have. I was good on gymnastics when I was young. I was chosen by a national gymnastic coach to go to the school for athletic majors. I liked gymnastics because it was an interest that I was good at. I was proud that my athletic ability was much better than others’.
However, being the only child in my family, my parents decided not to let me go further with gymnastics. In their opinion, gymnastic have no future. Going to a good middle school is much more important than going to the school for athletic major. After the discussion with my parents, they explained and convinced that gymnastics’ future was hopeless and meaningless because it was all about physical action. The major I should get in was business and majors that use brain. I started to believe what my parents’ said because I believe parent will always make the right choice.
I gave up the opportunity for going into the athletic school. I gave up the interest that I have. For now, I regretted sometimes that I did not follow what I like. I regretted that I did not make the choice for myself. Believing our choice will lead to satisfaction and success. Oftentimes, believing in our choice was not as easy as we thought. Satisfaction and success is the things that most people would like to achieve in their life. In contrast to my gymnastic experience, Cisneros did not give up her choice in order to follow her father’s expectation. “I’m lucky my father believed daughters were meant for husbands.
It meant it didn’t matter if I majored in something silly like English. After all, I’d find a nice professional eventually, right? “(142). Cisneros did not influence by the expectation from her father. Instead, she expressed that majoring in English was a “nice professional”. She got the satisfaction about the choice she made. And there was a motivation that behind Cisneros was she found majoring in English did not have conflict with her father’s expectation because her father did not care what Cisneros study; And also Cisneros’ passion in English motivate her to keep going on her choice.
In the last when Cisneros’ father finishes reading Cisneros’ book, her father asked, “Where can we get more copies of this for the relatives? “(144). Her father enjoyed reading her book and even want to get some more copies for relatives. Her father felt proud of Cisneros’ writings and wanted everybody to see the success that her daughter achieves. Cisneros’ success in English was finally recognized and accepted by her father instead of covered in the shade of getting married. “Of all the wonderful thing that happen to me last year, that was the most wonderful” (144).
Over all the financial rewards and the success of getting sold to major New York publishing house, it can’t compare with her father liked to read her book. It was the biggest satisfaction that Cisneros wanted the most as she described “the most wonderful”. Her success had not only approved from the outside, it also approved from her father and also her family. She reached to the satisfaction that she wanted the most as she believing her own choice. In the society today, it is not easy to keep up and follow the choice we really want. The expectations from others are coming from all the different places.
We have to get ready to deal with the different expectation. We need to learn how to manage expectations in order to make the right choice. In the graduation suicide case, the tragedy will prevent if that student tells instead of hiding his education process to his parent. The tragedy will also prevent if that student believes the truth of he could not graduate. There are many people still confuse and fear to make the choice of their own. It’s time to learn to manage expectations. It’s time to believe our choice instead of others. It’s the time to make the right choice.