I see the never ending darkness in front of me, whispers, welcome from within. I felt the ground tremble, mistaking-mistook for my horrified legs. I can’t, my heart won’t let me, I wont to – I can’t, should I or should I not. I prayed for someone to help me move me from where I was standing, soon I’ll have my own postcode, the sheer thought of the beyond was too much of a struggle to accept. We learn to accept our environment and live in it without asking questions, and now it’s not real at all, just someone’s imagination. I could hear the man made ocean behind me; I learned a lot of things which could have all been lies, lies, lies – my life. Stepping over the threshold of a newly opened gate was proving harder than creations meaningful value?
Is my future through those doors of just another game, which I’m willing to complete? Are the steps leading up to the number, I’ve never known I was rolling for and the door is a snake? More lies. Possibly more lies. Part of my life. Where am I supposed to go and what do I do once out there, Is this a dream, I forgot, all of this is one long dream and I won’t wake up until I go through them doors. The door quite crudely humorous if you think about it one side reality the other side someone’s creation of reality. Like religion we all wait to we get to this point in our life to see if there is something after this island called life or is this part where you enter darkness for eternity. All of these confusing questions, running through my head, but still I haven’t moved, I have to know, so I do.
1 step. Chest pounding. 2 step. Heart Beating. 3 step. Palms sweating. 4 step. Darkness looming, submersing me in pitch black. 5 step. My feet are as scared as me and can’t go on, someone calls from within and asks if I need help ‘No……I think’. My head was hurting and the string of mental stability was warring away after stretching it too repeatedly. I could smell something weird from further along, it smelled so fresh and pure, possibly new open air, the smell of the outside leering from the open outdoors. Calling me to inhale its beauty.
Whoosh, I gust of wind blew past me, this time natures make. Finally something not produced naturally, hold on. Was I produced naturally, I’m not taking another step If I’m not produced naturally, that means whats the hope of going on, if I’m not like everyone else that would pass me in the ‘street’. Was I created scientifically for people’s entertainment like a hamster on a wheel going around and around never to stop until death? I had the chance to find out but would life be so contrasting that I wouldn’t be able to survive as in my bubble of a past life many seconds ago.
Have I got a chance to return if unwilling to go on with my new life, of course I wouldn’t I why would I want to. I had a chance that if I’m not the first they’ve done it too has ever been given. All these years of forced memories and unconventional traditions have been related to. My life was about to change, change for the good? My life was about to change, time to grasp this change by the throat and ask him ‘where’s my money’. Time to take that step out of the dark.